Dear Younger Self: Cliched Nonsense

Dear Younger Self,

So I'm going back and reading my older posts with the tag "Dear Younger Self". Two thoughts come to mind:
1. The advice I give my you, my  younger self (or rather students at certain points in college), are pretty cliched.
2. I guess I listened to myself.

The end of the year is always a time for looking back. There are Top 10 Lists of Things in 2013 everywhere. People are talking about the year that was and their resolutions and stuff. And I guess after another successful semester in the books, you're looking for more advice from me, because that's what a cliched end-of-the-year blog post holds.

I could ramble on about the follies of procrastination and how you've seemed to have figured out that you can't NOT procrastinate, that it's in your blood. I can always speak about how very quickly time seems to fly, and how you're nearing the end, so you'd better make it awesome. Or how valuable good friends are. I can give you a heads-up and say things like "can you learn to cook already?", "practice defensive eating during Field Methods", "don't give up on Dynamic Fields because you can make the greatest comeback in the history of ever or something". I could tell my sophomore self that "it gets better; Junior year won't kill you." I could blather about the lessons outside the classroom: about wise time investment, overcoming over-analyzation and over-reaction, learning to have fun by yourself, and letting go of the past (wow, the cliches are killing me).

I could ramble. Because the cliches would all be true, interestingly enough.

But you gotta figure it out without my cliched advice and live it on your own. And maybe, just maybe, after five action-packed semesters, you have figured it out. But most likely there are some curveballs headed your way (gotta throw in a baseball cliche). Still, I hope that Future Self will be writing about the good times that Spring 2014 and Field Session held. Or the crazy things that happened the summer between Junior and Senior Year and the first semester of Senior Year.

So yeah. [Insert cliche phrase that expresses an attitude that one holds when about to embark on a new year and adventures and the such like, that when the phrase is uttered it sends a chill of fear into the heart of the bad guys. Play heroic and inspiring music. Fade out.]

It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great. ~ A League of Their Own

P.S. For real though, it doesn't get easier. As far as material goes, it gets more impossible. Yet more doable.

My First GeoRodeo: Post-Meeting Thoughts

I've had two weeks to recover and process the firehose/volcano/tsunami of information that was dispersed at the AGU Fall Meeting. At the time of my mid-Meeting post, I was in awe of how huge the Meeting is, and had not even presented my poster yet. So Thursday morning, I woke up before dawn and then scurried to a cafe with Emily, my internship friend who was also presenting that morning. Both of us had our poster tubes in hand. Being all official scientists and stuff. 

Where the poster-presenting shenanigans occur.

Presenting my first poster at AGU was a great experience. It really highlighted one of my favorite things about the Meeting: The eagerness of scientists all over the world to learn. Nearly everyone I spoke with was super friendly and had great feedback on my summer research. It was crazy both how quickly and slowly the five hours by my poster passed--that's a long time to be talking science. My throat was dry afterwards. 

Me at 7:59AMish, ready to present.

After my presentation, the Meeting for me winded down, as I attended a great talk given by my mentor later that evening, and then a session called "Geoscience Through the Lens of Art" the following morning. It was the perfect ending to a very exploratory experience for me in my first Fall Meeting.

A few conclusions:

• I'm more than ever certain I want to pursue a PhD. In what specifically? I have some time to figure that out. 
• I'm only 63% done with my CSM Geophysics degree, but AGU gave another glimpse of how good the program is, even if I harp on it sometimes about it being very exploration-focused. It was really cool to hop around learning more about different facets of geoscience, but it was cooler that I could follow what the presenters spoke of, from induced polarization as I learned in Electrical Methods and Dynamic Fields to climate change models as I learned all summer. 
• Sending us to AGU was really the cherry on top of everything from our REU at CMMAP. When I was applying a year ago to research internships, I could not have imagined they would have flown me halfway across the country in an awesome hotel--all for the love of science. Well played, NSF. Well played. It worked. And I highly recommend to my fellow science-lovers to apply to REUs. 
• Hanging out with the seniors and a couple grad students in Mines Geophysics was really cool, especially since I didn't know most of them before. It's always fun to be around like-minded people who love science for science. But it also reminded me of how awesome the class of 2015 is. I can't wait for many of us to travel to San Francisco next Fall. As far as topics go, there will be something for everyone, and as far as the city goes, we're going to have a blast. 
• I really, really, really, really love food. Sushi, sea food, sourdough and chowder, and more...You taste amazing, SF. 

 I will be back next year, San Francisco. I will be back. 

The Bigness of Geoscience: Mid-Meeting Thoughts

From charges lying on bacteria in the ground to kilometer-sized gravity anomalies on the moon, geoscience is HUGE. The AGU Fall Meeting is huge too, but maybe on a couple orders of magnitude less than huge. The amount of coffee consumed here is HUGE, but not as huge as the amount of knowledge consumed. There are so many talks on so many topics, and a million (I may be off on my estimate) more posters on more topics. The titles of said talks and posters have so many words in them. There are thousands of important earth scientists concentrated into a two-block radius. Everything is so big.

In case I haven't explained the reason of my excitement to you in person, the AGU (American Geophysical Union) Fall Meeting is an annual earth science conference held in San Francisco. I have the privilege of attending because of the research internship I had this past summer with CMMAP (Center for Multiscale Modeling of Atmospheric Processes) at Colorado State University. They are paying me to basically be in science heaven and present my research among the thousands others. It's pretty cool.

For those who have attended a Career Fair, particularly the one at Colorado School of Mines, imagine a super-duper-sized Career Fair, but instead of talking about getting oil, everyone is interested in science. That is only the exhibit hall. And there's the poster hall which takes forever to walk across from. And the countless talks simultaneously occurring.

It's overwhelming because as a third year undergrad, I don't really know exactly where in geoscience I want to go. Being a Geophysics major seems so general here. So the Meeting is a sampler of sorts. On the other hand, I am really grateful for my Mines education that has taught me so much, and my internship that taught me other aspects of earth science. I've attended lectures on Climate Change, Modeling, Induced Polarization in Bacteria, gravity remote sensing on the moon, numerical methods, and I've been able to somewhat understand them with my background knowledge. Until my coffee runs out. But AGU understands us scientists and our need for free coffee.

It's not just the caffeine in my blood: I'm excited about earth science right now, not gonna lie. Gotta go get more free swag and/or knowledge now. Over and out.

What Happens When You Cross Dead Week With Finals Week?

Answer: a very crazy engineering student.

Due to awesome circumstances that will have me flying out to San Francisco next Sunday to attend the AGU (American Geophysical Union) Fall Meeting, I have to take all my finals early. In short, this week gonn' be cray. 

This week, I'm going to do a daily log like I did freshman year Fall semester here. See you on the other side, brother. 

Sunday, December 01, 2013 6:09 p.m.
Mental stability: Fine
Hours of sleep last night: 8

So this is what stands between me and being done with this semester:

I'm so unmotivated and want it to be next week already, but lab reports don't write themselves, so...yeah.

Monday, December 02, 2013 5:48 p.m.
Mental stability: Meh, alright
Hours of sleep last night: 7

Blehhh....this paper on elastodynamics that we have to read for extra credit for Dynamic Fields makes me want to punch myself in the face. Who knew math could be so aesthetically appealing yet comprehensively challenging at the same time?

Wednesday (but still Tuesday since the sun hasn't risen), December 04, 2013 1:32 a.m.
Mental stability: confused, caffeinated and yeah
Hours of sleep last night: 6 (I'm sensing a pattern here).

So in the midst of studying for our Dynamic Fields final tomorrow, the school got an email that the campus would close tomorrow, or basically we would have a snow day. So we were like, "woot", and then I was like, "Oh, hmm that means we won't be done with DF forever, oh wells." And then there was an email saying school IS NOT cancelled, and then we were all like "Noooooooooo," but a few of us have mixed emotions because I just want stuff tomorrow to be over with. Else, I'd have to reschedule stuff and that is very hard this week. Anyway, I buy into the theory that the first email was hacked and this was some cruel prank.

Wednesday, December 04, 2013 10:39 p.m.
Hours of sleep: 6
It's too cold to study. Bleh.
Also, I have forgotten how to study alone. I have zero motivation.
On the bright side, Dynamic Fields is over forever.

Thursday, December 05, 2013, 12:34 a.m.
Mental stability: alarmingly calm (not caring)

After the catastrophe (that did prove to be a hacking of some sorts), Facebook was flooded with very angry posts by very angry people, and my Snapchat was also flooded with crying and sad faces. A tragedy, indeed. However, I somehow felt pressured to hate the school, and how dare they not give us a school day, even if it was barely precipitating (but deathly cold), especially after we received an erroneous email!!!!!!!

Um, okay.

Honestly, I remember a day when I really used to care about school, when it was life and doing well was everything. This might have been way back in kindergarten, but why have we lost this love of learning so much, that we would rather do nothing on the day in which most would have critical review sessions, and for us, final exams that are a huge part of their degree. We pay so much money per credit hour; I would have been really mad had we not been able to go to school today. I don't want to sound holier-than-thou because I did really enjoy that snow day freshman year in February, but that was not one of the last days of class, there was way more snow on the ground, and the "brilliant idea" for a snow day was not put forth through a hacking.

But after celebrating for 30 minutes while being diappointed, I read the email and was disappointed and celebrating again. Then I studied more at The Stoop with Shane, which is a good thing because two-fifths of the questions that appeared on the final would not have been studied otherwise.

Also, something something about wishing upon a sigma-star (real and imaginary part of conductivity).

But anyway, I rocked my I Love Mines mug today with coffee in it. Rebecca glared at me. I rambled about how much I love my education.

Almost....there....

Al...most....there....

Friday (Thursday really), December 06, 2013 1:41 a.m.

Hours of sleep last night: like 8 (No Field Methods, woooo!)

Mental Stability: Pretty good

My predicament this deathly cold week in which I have realized that I would hate living in Hoth:

The cold and the need to study makes for an interesting combination. But they both add up to caffeine. Once consumed in the late evening, they both make for a night of sparse sleep. Once awake in the morning, the need for studying is heightened. However, my internet is slow and I cannot download the lecture slides. So I need to venture out into the cold. The cold intensified the need for a hot drink. And such and such.

Twelve more hours!

Saturday, (Friday really), December 07, 2013 1:38a.m.
This day combined everything I loved and hated about this semester and this school.

Sunday, December 08, 2013 11:16 a.m.
But yeah, as I was saying...
I woke up to take my AEM final, but made coffee first. I also needed to make my notecard. I had not studied at all. Then it was two cold hours in the Geophysics Reading Room trying to remember Partial Differential Equations because I had forgotten to put PDE stuff on my notecard. Then I went to Subway. Then I went back to Green Center and took the Electrical Methods test. After 40 minutes, I emerged, and was done with exams. Woot. After my professor told me again of how awesome of a class we were, I walked to across the hall and started the last homework coding assignment for Electrical Methods. My classmates had been working on it for hours. The Linux Lab was buzzing. And it would end up taking me 12 hours to complete. Thankfully not 12 straight hours, as I left at 5 to go to Bob's Atomic Burgers with Jayden and only worked for five hours on Saturday after sleeping in. After getting back to coding, we also had the Moonlight Breakfast (free food!) at Slate to look forward to. At about 11p.m., I headed to The Loft and got to hang out with a few IV people.

But as I told Rebecca Saturday evening while at Panera, it's been an awesome semester. How did Saturday (and the whole week) combine everything I love and hate about Mines? I hate the craziness, but love the craziness. I'm still in awe of how I've made it through it all, the five finals in three days with homework and stuff--not to mention three straight semesters with 18 or more credit hours. I love the craziness because it really brings people together. By studying with my geophysics friends and goofing off and going to Moonlight Breakfast at Slate, I can see that we've built an awesome community. I haven't had that much fun studying since freshman year in Maple 159, the Maple 1st study room. And Shane, upon learning that I'd leave the Linux Lab to eat and not help him with MATLAB said, "Why are you always going to dinner with friends?! Do you bribe them?". Haha, no, but I'm glad that I've been able to hang on to old friends too in the midst of craziness.

Next semester is going to be so fun. Spring semesters hold baseball, E-Days, Spring Break....and hopefully good times in geophysics and good times with old friends (oldies but goodies).

But for now, school's over and I'm out.

Late Semester Blatherings

Lately I've had this feeling that I need to write something profound whenever I find the inspiration, time, and willpower to throw together a blog post because of the scarcity of said posts of late. But that is ridiculous. So here goes unprofoundness.

Well, it's November already, and the end of it at that December, wow. The amount of homework assignments and exams can fit on a decent list. Things are coming to an end, thank God. As much as I'm so ready to be done with this semester and any class with the word "Field" in it, I can honestly say that I've had the best time since freshman year. (Part of that may have to do with the lack of good time I had sophomore year, but whatever.)

Is it because we've finally attained respect for being a Junior? In past years, there were only torments of how it gets worse and how we should "just wait til Junior Year".

Is it because I've stopped caring? Possibly. And it's not like I don't care, because I do. I just care about stuff other than school more.

No, I think the reason is that we've finally built a strong community that's going to stick together until graduation. And I'm slightly biased when I say this, but I believe our class of 30-something geophysicists are the coolest class to ever have class in a while.

We all knew the day would come when we would have all the same classes together. We looked forward to the time when we would probably be learning real stuff about our major. And here it is, complete geophysics. Well, except math.

There are good things, there are bad things. Best of all is that the so-called "Junior Hell Year" is a week away from being halfway over. Woot.

Dead Batteries

I had two quarters in my wallet--just enough to make a 15-minute phone call on the pay phone to the only people whose phone number I have memorized. I told my parents that I was at a 7-11 off S. Golden Road and Quaker and asked if they could please come and get me. Why wasn't I in my car? Because I needed a working phone. I figured a working phone would be available at the King Soopers, which is one of the few places open 24 hours in Golden. The liquor store looked open, but I opted to stay away from there. Instead I briskly walked six blocks in the October night until I hit 7-11. Luckily I wouldn't have to walk all the way to King Soopers. Which brought me to buying a chocolate milk while I waited at the 7-11.

Why did I need a working phone? Because upon pulling off to the side of the road, I reached for my phone, and it promptly died. Well, crap, I thought. After praying for my car's healing for a little while, I admitted that my car was dead, my phone was dead, and with it being nearly midnight on this Thursday night, there was no way I could get home by sitting in my car on the side of the road. My only choice was to walk, and for who knows how long. This side of S. Golden Road is poorly lit, and there was construction going on, so walking conditions weren't that favorable. Worse, I was wearing my slippers. Even worse, I didn't have a jacket. (Good thing it wasn't that cold). Gah! It seemed that everything that could possibly go wrong did.

Why was my car dead? I had no idea. I kept asking myself that same question. I had just gotten the battery fixed, because just a couple of weeks ago that had died. But now, it was not the battery. (My dad later revealed it was the timing belt.) It was such a strange experience, for it just croaked right as I approached the large roundabout by Research Road. Switching from 4th to 3rd gear, it just wouldn't go. Pounding the gas pedal...and nothing. Well, crap. I had to decide whether I had enough kinetic energy to make it around the roundabout, and decided that if I tried, I would probably get stuck in the roundabout and have to get out and roll my car to safety. So that's when I coasted to Research Road and pulled off to the side of the road before picking up my dead phone.

Why was I wearing my slippers? And what was I doing out at this hour? I usually drop my friend off after Bible Study around 8:30, but my friends were having a movie night, so I stopped there for a few hours. Of course no movie night is complete without slippers. So that was why I was driving two hours later than I normally was.

Why did my timing belt break when it did? Funny thing, I actually thought the movie night was at The Unicorn House at first, so I showed up there confused before heading to the north side of Golden. Who knows where I would have died had I not taken that detour. Which brings me to the question...

Why didn't I take 6th? I always take 6th Avenue. It's faster, and I probably would've welcomed the extra minutes of sleep since I had class at 8AM  the next morning. But I remembered that part of 6th was closed for construction the other day on the way back. I'm really glad I took S. Golden after imagining if I just died out on the side of the highway with cars around me going 65 miles an hour.

Why was my phone dying? Because it was Thursday, of course. And Thursdays seem to always find a way to suck this semester. This Thursday was fine, even great until I found myself trekking in the dark towards some store that had a pay phone, more annoyed than afraid.

Funny, but the night before I had been trekking along also, but this time was fearful of rattlesnakes, other wild animals, and tripping in the dark. I had spontaneously driven to the base of North Table Mountain after getting the urge to just go somewhere. So my camera and water bottle tagged along the somewhat short trail that I hadn't walked up since first semester freshman year.

I remember it being harder freshman year. But I also remember not taking as many stops along the way as I did Wednesday...taking pictures is distracting. I took so many pictures that by the time the sun finally sank all the way past the horizon, my battery was almost dead. With the twilight dimming and me not wanting to use my phone flashlight app just yet, I scrambled down the mountain, careful to not be eaten by snakes and such. I took a different path (probably not a great idea in the dark), and beheld the volcanic "crater". I turned my camera on, hoping for one last shot, but right then the battery died. Welp, that's it then. 

With the sky darkening by the second, I stopped wasting time and really scampered back to the parking lot. I wondered if I would have time to eat dinner before IV Large Group. I didn't.

In short, dead batteries equal adventure in some sort and lessons learned in another sort.

How I See God's Character Revealed Through Math

For those who haven't had the pleasure of hearing me gripe first-hand, let me tell you about Dynamic Fields:

I hate not knowing what's going on. It's the worst feeling.

I need to know what's going on, what I'm supposed to be learning, and what I can expect in the future. One way for me to know what's going on  is to be in charge and in control of it. Many Mines students probably hold this sentiment as well: they've worked hard to get where they are now, and that is now leading them to getting a degree that will make money. We think we can control most of that.

So when we don't know what's going on, we lose control over the future of our academic careers, in a way.

But what's even worse is when that feeling spills over into real life.

Last post I talked about how I actually love turbulence, but I like order. The definiteness and clarity of processes that I desire in real life are probably reasons I went into studying something like engineering and science, fields dominated by process, order, data, analysis, results, and the flowcharts that describe the whole thing.

That's the way I am. And it's a reason I sort of dislike geology, with its subjectiveness and ambiguity and such. Interpreting blurred lines, such as seismic, is sometimes difficult because of some of the same reasons. Now you see how not knowing what's going on is so difficult for me. It's like scrolling through lines upon lines of computer code looking for the syntax error and running it not knowing why your code isn't quite what you want it to be. And you thought your code was so orderly and logical.

I walk down the hall from Dynamic Fields feeling worried, frustrated, lost, even angry, and tired. I feel like I don't belong here, like I want to give up. The area in front of the room for Advanced Engineering Math (AEM) fills up with chatter and complaints about the proceeding Dynamic Fields lecture or nightmare of an exam. I sit down in my usual chair in AEM and after being walked through a few equations on the board, understand that somehow, everything is okay or at least will be eventually. 

Math is constant. It has always been there as a subject, and it is usually a confidence booster. Usually.
But it's structured well. You know what you're supposed to be learning, or know what formulas or methods to use, and know the extent of work you'll have to put in to do well. There's usually a point in Math. And it's the basis of everything we do in engineering and science.

I feel like life sometimes feels a little like Dynamic Fields: messy, complex, incomprehensible, and I have no idea what's going on. I see God's character revealed through math: constant, purposeful, and knowing.

 Realization: life is not a script, function, or lines of code. Of course it'd be simpler if it was. Of course it'd be a great deal more boring.

Sometimes looking ahead in Math, I get a glimpse of a crazy complicated equation with symbols I don't yet understand. Yet I know we'll learn about it and get there...eventually. It's like God when I'm frustrated that I don't know what's going on is saying, "Don't worry, we'll get there....eventually."

Turbulence

It doesn't get old. I walked into the first floor social lounge as a pang of memories hit me in the face. The room was drenched in air freshener, yet the room still had the same distinct "Maple Hall" smell. It's not the loveliest, I have to admit, yet in that moment I miss it.

It's easier dealing with the memories now, with it being Junior Year. Sophomore Year was a weird transition zone and was like, "Oh noes, my classes are freaking hard and I miss all my friends and everything is so different from freshman year, wahhhhhh," but Junior Year is like, "It's cool; we've done this before. There's continuity and that's great." Now I see Maple 159, or the study room, all lit up and it makes me smile. And the memories that hit me in the face just remind me of some of my favorite things.

I mostly dislike change, needless to say. Yet I love the change of seasons. Yeah, I gotta hand it to summer for being the best season (besides baseball), but when it comes down to it, I love the first snow, the first warm day of spring with green grass, and the day you notice the leaves turning yellow. I love the days you don't need a coat, but it's still cool enough for an argyle sweater and socks. I love the first time getting coffee for the purpose of enjoying it rather than out of necessity of staying awake in Field Methods. The autumn transitional zone might be the best because it encompasses my favorite parts of of both seasons: the weather, crickets at night (that aren't drowned out by the drone of the fan), the sound and smell of rain, and freshly baked spice cake, which reminds me of Thanksgiving.

If I mostly dislike change, why would I love the changes of the seasons, this "boundary layer" sort of concept? Why do I immediately analyze, plan, and prepare yet love spontaneity?

Maybe it's the same reason I think turbulence is the most fun part of a plane ride.

The Dust Does Settle

Maybe, just maybe this semester won't kill me. It's hard to believe we'll be starting the third week already, but I guess that's when things start to calm down.

Before the semester started, I was torn because I never wanted to start up again yet wanted to get this Junior Fall semester, the most difficult in Geophysics I might add, over with as soon as possible. Then I didn't want it to be over with as soon as possible because then that would mean the speed of time would have accelerated, and Graduation Day would have come in a blink of an eye. Now that the semester started, I was torn again. I honestly enjoyed the first couple of weeks, except for the part when I was in Green Center 215 having no idea what's going on. I actually felt like a normal college student, getting around 7 hours of sleep each night and enjoying activities outside of schoolwork. Yet the combination of new classes and meetings and so many events with free food during Mines Welcome Week frazzled me and I came torn between having fun and having (relatively) easy homework and having a routine again (and probably getting less hours of sleep).

Like I can control time or something. The dust settles anyway.

Maybe the semester will kill us all, maybe it'll be the best ever...who knows? ( And why not both?)

So here's to having a routine again and for the next two years of our lives. As for getting 4 hours of sleep, screw that.

Here's an unrelated photo of some sunflowers and Mt. Zion.
Yeah. I got tired of typing words and figured a picture is worth 1,000. 

These Summer Nights

Week 10 in Fort Collins came, rushing with it the weeks of August. It's still summer, but August contains the twilight days of summer.

Never have I consistently woken up so early in the day, for never have I had a job that didn't promote insomnia. My blinds of the east-facing window of my Fort Collins apartment hardly shield the sunrise, and that's okay, for I'll wake up just a half hour later. When my alarm startles me from my dreams, I'm looking forward to going to bed that night already.It's not that I hate the day. I love it. Who wouldn't love coding for 8 hours or making pretty pictures and writing about them?

Time flies like the wind flies through my hair speeding down the CSU Foothills campus parking lot. I've enjoyed this taste of grad school, a buffer to the "real world" life.

It ends so quickly, though I'd be perfectly content to spend many more nights trapped in summer with these people I've met and grown attached to so quickly. I do miss the people I spend my winter nights with, but not the winter.

***
It's stifling hot in my new bedroom location upstairs in the Enchanted Palace. Fans are blaring, but the sound of crickets provides a nice background noise.

School starts tomorrow. I haven't really thought about it (on purpose), which is probably why I haven't had those recurring nightmares where I can't find my classes. I'm not ready for summer to end. I've loved these summer nights where I've gotten to enjoy life without the brain-breaking work that our typical "study parties" hold.

I'm tired already. I know many more tired nights lie ahead of me. Yet, this is not the same kind of tired. It's not the tiredness that dreads the impending and passing deadlines then passes out from exhaustion in the Green Center lobby between classes. It's the kind of tired you get after a good, long day. It's content.

Quips Heard at Mines, Pt. II

This is a lot belated, but I know everyone can't go without their famous Mines Quotes! (Click here for last year's edition). T'was a year! A year of flannel Fridays, late nights in Brown, late nights at the Stoop, late nights in the Linux Lab, late nights in the Java classroom, and late nights everywhere else. When it gets late, we say funny stuff. Or stuff that seemed funny to me at the time. So here goes, and thanks friends, classmates, and even professors for a terribly great year.

"If you don't know what you're doing, just cite the Invertible Matrix Theorem." ~ Ethan

"Why are you bored? Do homework, there's no reason to be bored." ~ Me, to Carolyn

"I'm learning so much researching this atmo cloud seeding data!!!!" ~ No one ever (In GP EPICS II)

"I could hear your lollygagging from down the hall!" ~ Nate, on Ben's lollygagging

Rebecca: "I think I just felt a nerd on my arm."
Ethan: "Sorry."

"Wow. We know all the math we want to know...." ~ Marilyn

"This is why you don't be friends with men, only me." ~ Carolyn

John: "Hey let me do that crazy integral for you!"
Me: "Said no one ever."

"My physics notebook brings the boys to the yard." ~ Me

"Guys I know how we can stop the wave- destructive interference!!" ~ us at Urbana

Nick: "Am I a hipster by by not being a hipster?" 
Quentin: "Or is that the 2nd derivative of being a hipster..." 

"Notecards for tests are the new Pokemon cards. You treat them all delicately and some are better than others." ~ Natalie

Carolyn: "ChemEs make me sad. They're studying all the time."
Me: "ChemEs make me feel happy because they're sad all the time."

"This is like the biggest curve in the history of history." ~ John, on the Physics II exam curve

"They call it Dead Week because after everyone gets through this week they're all dead." ~ Matt

"I thought about going into Mining. But I'm too tall" ~ Brandon

David: "Is this...? This is all Pokemon music!!"
Colton: "Yes it is." (on our way to Urbana in St. Louis)

Me (on our EPICS earthquake data): "What does NPH stand for?"
Rosie: "Neil Patrick Harris?"

"I guess one class of Thermo isn't so bad compared to a whole major of it". ~ Nathaniel

"If I had a job where I could get green boxes all day, I'd totally do that!" ~ John

"I want to be Terry when I grow up." ~ Austin, on our awesome department head

"Uniformity is for squares" ~ Me

Alejandra: "Put it into that wolf thing."
John: "Wolfram Alpha?"

"16pi....the answer to everything!" ~ Brandon

"Mark Goldie was the savior of Phys II." ~ The kid sitting behind Mark in class (also students everywhere)

"You're killin' me, Bigs!" ~ Tim

Professor quotes:
"Don't do drugs, people.....DO PHYSICS!!!" ~ Chuck Stone

"We don't call the Coulomb the Cool, but we call the Ampere the Amp." ~ Chuck Stone

"There are no infinite cakes in life. This is a bit of a disappointment." ~ Roel

"You can't escape Gauss!!" ~ Roel

"Why think when I can run code?" ~ Dave Hale

"If you try to graph its equation of motion, it looks like a spring on Spring Break. Springs gone wild!" ~ Rod Switzer
(There are many more Switzer quotes transcribed in my Calc III and DiffEq notes...unfortunately they're in a box 60 miles from me right now. So this one will have to do.)

"Maybe there's aliens with refrigerators on the other side of the moon...? I dunno!" ~ Humphrey
"It's not rocket science, it's rock science!" ~ Humphrey

The man, the myth, the legend: Shane Johnson quotes:

Me: "I wish I'll get 100 on the exam and beat Shane."
Shane: "You'll need 101 to beat me."

"So that's what the DiffEq book looks like..."

Shane: "Series are the reason I almost failed Calc."
Me: "You almost failed Calc?"
Shane: "Well, almost got a B, I mean."

"He just seems like he would be the nicest grandpa...and then he goes and hands out B+'s!!"

"Doesn't matter- all I need is a 76....I mean, I can get 19 questions right on that. "

"Geez, I just don't miss problems!"

"I never distiguish."

"I wish we had LESS time to study physics. I wish we could take the test now."

"Just know that you can get it done. Always. "

"That's why I don't cheat off of anything because I'm like, 'I'm probably right'."

Michelle: "If I could get a B in Java, I'd be ecstatic."
Shane: "Ec-static fields?"

"I just can't wait until it's summer so I can watch the Discovery Channel."

"I don't hyperventilate. Hyperventilating is bad. I focus. I get it done."

P.S. I miss you guys. 

Parallel Slope Lines

TIME = 1:(infinity);

1:length(TIME)....[or in English: from now until the length of time]...

Lately I've been thinking. Well, not like that's big news (I think I think too much), and screw it- I'm usually thinking about the past, future, or present unless I'm not thinking (which is entirely possible and probable when I feel like a zombie)- so let's just get to the point.

My thoughts take me back to the summer of 2010, the summer between my junior and senior year of high school. Yep, back in the day.

Finishing up what was a hell year of junior year, I took my ACT and SAT tests and was planning on majoring in Meteorology at Metro State College of Denver or University of Northern Colorado. My mom found this program for minority students interested in math, science, and engineering. I applied, and was accepted, along with twenty-something other high-schoolers.

There's really no way to completely prepare for being on your own for the first time, and for three weeks straight. And there's really no way to know what to expect of the Colorado School of Mines when you've never been exposed to it before. Thus was SUMMET. I had no idea what I was getting myself into for the next five years. All 16-year-old me knew was that I would get a taste of college.

There are certain undeniable stages of growing up. The first is when you are only allowed half a package of Swiss Cake Rolls. The second is when you have the freedom to buy your own box, as I wrote in a note one night:

Swiss Cake Rolls and Junk Food. Yeah! 

Thursday, July 22, 2010 at 10:19pm
Isn't it weird when you buy your first box of Swiss Cake Rolls by yourself with your own money and you're looking forward to eating them all by yourself....something you've never been able to do before in your whole life...then you don't really feel like eating the whole box, and you decide to share them...weird.Oh, yeah, we went to Safeway and we were the crazy kids buying junk food at 9 oclock; some of us were in pj's (not me!)

So, what's the best method of picking out an ice cream flavor? First, you see what's the cheapest personal size. Then, you choose the brand that has more ounces. If you have it narrowed down to a few varieties, than choose the one with the most calories! Yeah! Now that's what I call the best way to pick out junk food!

Before the days of Sodexo, Mines' dining service was provided by Aramark, and boy was the food awful. I lost weight during the three-week stint, and grew tired of the bland concoctions in the poorly lit room called Slate. Needless to say, I was excited to spend what few money I had on junk food. And I had the common decency to not wear pajamas to the Safeway down the road.

July 17, 2010  Tonight's schedule (proudly brought to you by the school of mines)....Finish Chemistry Lab report (4-8pgs), study for tomorrows exams, take a shower, and sleep. If I have enough time, that is.

I complained on Facebook a bit. But looking back, I had no idea what a true late night finishing reports and homework would be like. 

July 18, 2010 Hey I might have gotten an F on computer science! Woo!!! That's like, 50%!!! Yeah!!On a more serious note, NO MORE HOMEWORK NO MORE EXAMS! Just research.

I actually did well. 

July 20, 2010 Just got back from project meeting interviews...SUMMET could totally be made into a reality TV show.

Yes. The stress definitely got to some of us, and living with people we didn't know had its challenges as well. There was also a winner at the end of the program for those who got the best grades. 

July 21, 2010 Starbucks dark chocolate mocha bottled frappaccino + Milky Way dark midnight = e

I should have capitalized the E. But I was learning quickly. 

July 21, 2010  My Panda Express fortune cookie: "Your sense of humor will see you through difficult times".

Ha. Haha. 

July 23, 2010  WOOOO!!!! Presentations are DONE!!!! The hard part of Nerdland is DONE!!!!!! YAY!!!! I'm FREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, kid. That was the tip of the iceberg. (But props on aptly naming CSM "Nerdland").

It was a great experience. At the end of it all, I wrote this note in reflection. I was so wrong. I would eat breakfast at Slate again (man, I miss those hashbrowns), two summers later I would eat lunch while the sports camp kids yelled when I would be an RA for Challenge, I would most certainly sleep in the dorms again, although that was my last night in Randall Hall, I would get up at an insane hour in the morning, and I absolutely would push the handicap button to open those doors to the Student Center.

We Worked Our Butts Off. Was It Worth It? Yes.

Saturday, July 24, 2010 at 5:11pm
Today was the end of SUMMET and other things. Yesterday was the last of many things.
Yesterday was the last time I ate breakfast at the cafeteria at Mines. I probably won't be getting up at 6:30 ever again to eat that junk, so it was a last.
After that was the last time we would do anything hard at SUMMET, then we were free after our presentation (fistpumpz!). 
Then was the last time we ate at the cafeteria for lunch. The last time we would hear those little brats buzzing and yelling. The last time we would eat pizza cause it's the only acceptable thing.
Our last fun activity together was Eliche's. It was also the last time our lives would be in danger because of Gerame in the driver's seat. The last time we would have to squeeze into those vans- all twenty-something of us. 
That night, it was the last night I would sleep in the dorms. It was the last morning our alarm clocks would go off at an insane hour in the morning. 
Today after waking up, it was the end of saying "good mornin'" even if it wasn't. It was the end of taking your toothbrush and tooth paste to the bathroom and finding a sink to brush them in. 
We ate breakfast burritos: that was the end of all of us eating together.
We all began to pack. The dorms began to look empty. It was the end of hearing my fan humming constantly, Zofia sitting at her computer listening to music, and Brooke's poster of Justin Bieber on our wall. 
We ended our tearful and humorous farewells with Rosana and Marchana, while smiling because Greg had already left.
Graduation was the end of everything SUMMET, it was also the last time I would get to push the handicap button for the doors to open to the Slate building. 
We took pictures, then gave farewell hugs. 
We then walked back to the car that brought us here. 
It was the end of a month together.
But yes, it was worth it.
THE END 

There definitely were things that were unique to that summer though. Such is time, life, and experiences. Lines have slopes, sometimes intersect, sometimes are parallel. Experiences make up our lives, but I think you can't have the experience twice. It'd be like trying to draw the same line over the piece of paper but never seeing it show up.

I had climbed a slope in what would become a mountain, and did it with some pretty cool people.

***
 I found out in the Linux Lab while coding in MatLab, ironically (the program I would be using to analyze data this summer).

Dear Katerina,
Congratulations! You have been accepted into the 2013 CMMAP Summer Internship Program....

I was given a week to make a decision, and was waiting from responses from other internships as well.

There are some decisions, or paths that we will take, that will affect our course long-term, possibly for the rest of our lives. I was (am?) afraid that this was going to be one of them, and wasn't sure what to do: wait for another opportunity, or accept the one in front of me. But one of my professors said something along the likes of, "It doesn't end up that way when you look back at it in the end."

I accepted the research position at CMMAP through Colorado State Univeristy. Many of my geophysics friends will end up scattered in many different fields such as oil, seimology, hydrogeophysics, geothermal energy, and others. And here I am, a geophysicist among mostly atmospheric scientists, 13 other interns beside myself. 

I suppose I was somewhat prepared for spending a summer writing MatLab scripts, yet it is still my first taste of "real life". I have an office I'm supposed to sit at for eight hours a day, and I get paid for it. It's pretty great. And when I get home, I don't have to do homework, which leads to slightly more delicious meals than I have during the school year.

The second stage of life, as I discovered Fall 2012 semester, is when you are faced with such hard times that you go through a box of Swiss Cake Rolls per week. The third stage of life is when you can buy Swiss Cake Rolls, but you buy salad instead.

That is now- organic leaf mix with creamy Caesar dressing. I'll bike to work in the morning, just as I have every morning. It's weird, this pretending to be healthy thing. The bike ride is killer. It's only four miles one way, but the last hill to reach the atmospheric science building is so steep, you'd think you'd start rolling backwards. It's too slopey.

Don't tell MatLab, but time isn't a finite vector we can open up on the computer and check out what happens. Back in 2010 I didn't know where I would end up, and I have no idea where I'll be in another three years, in 2016. Perhaps in the future I will discover that this summer experience will parallel experiences yet to happen. Maybe it won't.

But I won't know everything until the end of time.

Dear Younger Self: What Really Matters

Dear Younger Self,

It was dead week, and Brandon and I were in the library after a long year. “I’ve got acne, weight loss, sleep deprivation..., all symptoms of stress,” Brandon said.

“Yeah,” I replied, “I’ve got the same, except weight gain, and I heard those were symptoms of depression.”

“Probably both.” We were only slightly joking.

Sophomore year was hard. You might have expected that since you knew at least Fall semester held 18 credit hours.

It was more than the academics, though. I was hung over from what I thought would be the best year of my college days, and spent the first part of sophomore year reminiscing about the epicness of freshman year and moaning how it would never be the same again. Living with 7 girls in a house was a culture shock, and I quickly grew tired of sharing a room. As unappetizing as the cafeteria was, living on frozen dinners and the occasional macaroni and cheese was worse. Spending time with friends had to be scheduled, as they quickly grew busy too. I had involved myself in way too many stuff, as meetings filled every hour in the day not occupied by class. I frequently stayed up past 3AM, as there was physically no time to get all my homework done (which I started neglecting). And at the end of the day, I was incredibly lonely.

At the end of the year, all my motivation was gone as I wrote here. I desperately needed school to end. Grades didn't matter.

I tried to salvage the last few weeks for making memories in what I thought was an empty year of torture. But the whole year really wasn't that empty. I’ll remember doing Linear Algebra at Starbucks with Ethan and then meeting people at Woody’s for College Night, late nights at The Stoop doing homework due the next day, the road trip to Urbana conference, playing peanuts with my housemates and Marie getting super into it, Lon-Capa aliases, the snowy spring break trip, epic shenanigans, and green boxes. And the such like.

I came back from school and cleaned off my shelves, throwing away old binders from high school and shoving my trophies on one shelf. As much as I threw away, much of stuff remained, and they seemed so useless there, unable to be thrown away, defeating their purpose if I put them in a box. When you’re in high school, or even younger, every accomplishment or activity seems like a stepping stone to college, the ultimate step. The geography bee gives out scholarships. Various activities can be put on scholarship and college applications. My high school letter and its pins are so I would get into a good school. And grades mattered a lot to me.

Dusty on the shelf, they all seemed so useless. They only mattered to get me here.

Now that I was here, I realized what really matters. It’s not grades. It’s not the number of people you can meet. It’s not how much money you can make writing, editing, or selling tickets. It’s not even getting a job or into grad school at the end of it all. What really matters are those moments you’ll remember, those people you’ll remember, and the positive impact your short, God-given time here can have.

So, incoming sophomore, remember as you embark on another year that it’s those moments that will make the torture worth it. And they’re also the reason you came to be here. 

Sophomoritis, or The End v2.0

The lack of motivation that saturated the last month of sophomore year still numbs me now. In fact, as I write this, I'm eating the cereal I never ate during the school year because I'm too lazy to make any other meal. (Well I'm always too lazy to make a meal, but I usually hide behind the excuse of being too busy). I've been putting off writing this post for days (or a month, you could say, as my last post chronicled my E-Days adventures). The crash and lethargicness of the summer has hit me after eight months of the frantic rhythm of 18 to 18.5 credit hours. Now the only reason to get off the couch is because the leather has gotten warm and sticky in the heat of May. My room is a mess, full of boxes and clothes I've brought back from Golden. I've allowed my curly hair to roam free like always (because I'm too busy to tame it doing school anyway), but my mom has noticed and insisted I attempt to do something with it on occasion, comparing my locks to that of my sister's, whose owner has time to wake up at 7AM. But for me, waking up at 7AM has always been a sin-- even for 8AM classes I've woken up at 7:40-- and any sort of effort to do anything cannot be mustered.

I'm just trying to recover from this semester while being in awe of how quickly half of my undergraduate days have flown by.

***

"I wanted to kill myself," Michelle said of the last day of EPICS presentations and the last day of school. I doodled the earth's magnetic field and volcanoes and tornadoes on my team evaluation sheet. I hope my professor liked it. I don't think any of us had caffeine that morning. All six classes of mine were tiring, and most of them were review sessions. I looked at the clock in Static Fields more times than Shane, passed notes to Rosie, and made faces on my fingers. "What's up with you guys today?" my advisor/professor had asked. "We have Sophomoritis," I solemnly replied, "like Senioritis, but for sophomores."

Unfortunately true, that's pretty much how the semester went. Constant business and motion capped off by more intense business struggling to get done. I had the benefit of being certain to pass all of my classes and the attitude of being perfectly content to do mediocre. This time freshman year, I was going insane trying to ace tests and get a higher grade...what happened to my motivation?

I had forgotten how to study, anyway. All semester, homework and a slight review had been sufficient to get me through the midterms (not to brag-- and I DO NOT recommend this style of "studying"). So here I was, the Thursday before finals started Saturday, staring at the list of Linear Algebra theorems in Arthur Lakes Library, and starting to silently freak out that I wasn't prepared for this. Additionally, I feared I wouldn't have time to become prepared, for I was going to go see the Iron Man III premier that night. Friday, or Dead Day, was devoted to Differential Equations, though I really didn't need to study for it.

Finals Week actually flew by pretty quickly, though sometimes it seemed to drag. 5 more days, 4, 3, 2. I had been keeping track since Shane began asking me in January. The 100-plus days had dragged by in some moments, yet flew by all together. As I took one of my finals, the heading of "MAY 5, 2013" took me by surprise for a second. The year really was flying by, and sophomore year really was almost over. It took all my strength to muster up just enough motivation to get through the final five days though. So many times I wanted to give up and go to bed.

I finally got to go to bed May 8. After nearly nine months.

Tonight, We Are Young

Coming off of MysterE-Days 2013, I am even more convinced that I despise this "time" nonsense.

Nearly 50% of my life at Mines has been wisked away already (assuming 4-year plan...I'm not gonna fail a class, danggit!!!). We are slaves to this concept. 4/8/13 as a header before we start taking notes. Monday, I go to this meeting. Friday, I gotta be here there, and everywhere in that order. And somewhere in there find time to study for an exam or get that assignment done, concepts that I've been neglecting more and more of late.

It's somewhat monotonous, somewhat an adventure scrambling each Monday to get everything done, somewhat interesting to see if we'll actually learn everything needed to fumble around on the exam to do decently. It's somewhat scary too, with us somehow making it through the torture each week, bringing us that much closer to the end. The end of the week. The end of the year. The end of college.

I'm still in the 40%- it's not like I'm graduating in less than a month. But it seems like we've all grown up to be 80 years old.

Do not want. As frozen as time seems through the monotony, the amount at which it progresses causes me to want to either freeze it or travel back into it. I don't want to get old. I don't want to even grow up.

It's funny though- last semester seems like forever ago. I can hardly remember any of it. All I remember was studying in Brown all the time. Struggling through geology lab. Struggling to wake up for 9am Intro to Geophysics. Stupid Econ. And the such like.

This semester has been crazier, but I've not been in Brown as much (but the Linux Lab more). I think back to Fall semester and it seems like forever ago. Like it was a totally separate year. It makes me feel old.

***
Monday morning after E-Days, nobody wants to get up and go to school not even me, who did not drink at all. My body ached everywhere, and even though I had gone to bed at 8pm (like an old lady), I wanted to skip my 8am class. I should have.

Yeah, I went to bed pretty early- don't judge me. I just wanted the weekend to last a bit more.

Who knew having fun could be so exhausting? No wonder we at Mines don't take time to do it too often. The shenanigans started Wednesday for me, a day in which I was tired from taking two math midterms in 12 hours. After class was over though, I was a happy camper for four days.

Blaster on the Orecart Pull.

Rockies Opening Day right after the Orecart Pull.

Some of my friends competed in the Cardboard boat race Saturday.

Trebuchet launch at the Carnival. 

 

Mines baseball won their first series. 

The struggle of sophomore year has been comparing everything to freshman year. Yeah, it's different. It doesn't mean it's bad. If it was the same, it'd be boring.

We're still young. Even if we have to pretend so for just a few nights.

Correlation

Some unrelated Java code...

I enter Green Center at 9am for Geophysics EPICS, our project-based data analysis class. It's a fun class, probably my favorite. We're on our second to last project. The stress of the week has weighed on me. I'm feeling the tension of stuff not getting done.

But yet, the time in the Linux Lab flies. Time flies when you're having fun. Using MATLAB, I throw some plots together. It's a soothing process, once you get past the craziness of the impending deadline of Friday.

After three more hours of class, lunch with SWE, I head back up to the lab. Finally, at 2pm, I exit the lab to go to my other classes. It's a beautiful day, dang it. I wish I could be outside chilling, or having a catch. Not spending it inside the dark abyss of Green Center.

After classes are over, I head back to the Green Center. Anxious and unfocused, I decide to buy a grape Nos energy drink. I focus and make more plots, trying to find a correlation between weather patterns and avalanche occurrences.

It's enjoyable. I can imagine working a job like this. In fact, I'm excited for the research internship at CSU I accepted: my project apparently will be "mapping the global persistence of tropospheric winds and the impact of these winds on large scale climate/circulation patterns". Kind of similar to the stuff we're doing in EPICS. It seems cool.

I like the exploration of data, trying to find patterns. At the beginning of the class, I had no idea what I was doing and made plots pretending I knew. As it goes on, I still don't know what I'm doing, but I know how to pretend better and use the tools better. It's like life. You really have no idea what you're doing, just winging it as you go along, learning more and more stuff.

Yep, it is like life. Sometimes it feels like a mess.

Sometimes things go wrong.

{badness 10000}
It's over 9000.

"MATLAB is exiting because of fatal error."
"killed" 
bahahaha

And at the end of the day, all we can do is leave a report, or lab log of what we've done.

Today I Don't Feel Like Doing Anything

Last week killed me.

I'm dead. A goner. Dead meat. A floating fish. But not really.

I'm not surprised that I've started to get sick, honestly. I heard that getting less than 5 hours of sleep is bad for you. I haven't really been eating well. Or exercising or doing anything healthy or good at all. I had three tests within 18 hours, and that was after our third EPICS project was due (Wednesday).

I guess my whole goal this semester has been to simply survive, so I really don't care how terrible I did on those exams (that DiffEq test....ouch).

The great thing about 4 of my 6 classes having tests/projects last week was the fact that this weekend, President's Day weekend, I could be a lazy bum and not feel bad about it. I despise laziness, but I think in this case I get a free ride.

I hung out with old friends, went to a coffee shop by myself, covered the Mines baseball and softball series, watched movies, attempted to save incoming freshman's souls from choosing Physics or ChemE as a major, took naps and took naps.

The best thing is that I don't have classes on Tuesday, meaning: Four day weekend! But in reality, my laziness must cease for the next three weeks (until Spring Break), so I must get started on my Linear Algebra worksheet.

Ain't Nobody Got Time for That!

It was the second week where I have stayed up waaaaay too late on a Sunday night in order to (partially) complete the assignments due the next day. The combination of Java programs, EPICS projects, Static Fields readings and homework, DiffEq worksheet, DiffEq book problems, Oredigger editing and writing, and remembering to live has made me a very busy, crazy, and sometimes overwhelmed person. As a result, I've gotten 3 hours of sleep Sunday nights. It's not that I've been slacking during the week, rather I had worked on the EPICS project, filled out research internship applications, did homework due other days  (Linear Algebra worksheet and reading quiz Wednesday, Static Fields...). You get the picture. There's no time for anything.

• Laundry
• Exercise 
• Eating
• Sleeping
• Having fun
• Reading the book in order to do the homework
• Actually doing the homework
• Paying attention in class (some classes I use to get homework done in due in a couple hours...it's bad).
• Seeing friends
• Talking to friends
• Hanging out with friends
• Breathing
• Personal hygiene (somewhat kidding)
• Blogging

Sorry.

I do try on some of them. I do try. 

I'm Already Dying...

I suppose I should offer an explanation on why I haven't written this semester yet, even though it is the third week of school. But I don't want to, so there.

Honestly, I guess I'm okay. Maybe.

Maybe not. But probably.

I can feel how terrible and horrendous of a decision 18.5 credits consisting of 6 classes will be. I knew it'd be awful, but if it's like this with just homework going on and not even exams....

God help me.

The mornings are okay. I hate getting up to see the sun rise, so I wake up 20 minutes after. My first two classes are interesting, but I'm just so tired because of the earliness and the fact that it's two straight hours of programming (Java and Matlab). Then Linear Algebra happens and sometimes I don't even know what we're talking about. But it wakes me up. My other classes are great and interesting as well. I love learning.

But then after classes and the meetings and places I need to be due to extracurricular stuff or just meeting with people, the homework comes. And as much as I've attempted to not procrastinate, homework continues to prove its infiniteness and complexity.

Okay, maybe it's not that bad. I totally like school. Imagine if I was doing nothing right now, wouldn't I want to go back to school? But I forget the emotional terror after each semester. A coping mechanism, I guess.

It was a rough first half of the week, I guess. It's not over, our first EPICS project is due Friday. I've been in the process of applying to REUs (research experience for undergraduates), so that's on my plate as well. I had to finish a couple personal statements last night, and that took me 'til 4a.m. No big deal, I've stayed up later than that. But never with 8a.m. class the next day. Due to insomnia and other terrible factors and caffeine, I couldn't fall asleep til like 5. So I got like 2.5 hours of sleep.

I feel like I'm gonna die now, although I really want to work on Java (it's a fun class). I just feel weird. Yeah, I'm gonna go to bed before I start twitching.