How I See God's Character Revealed Through Math

For those who haven't had the pleasure of hearing me gripe first-hand, let me tell you about Dynamic Fields:

I hate not knowing what's going on. It's the worst feeling.

I need to know what's going on, what I'm supposed to be learning, and what I can expect in the future. One way for me to know what's going on  is to be in charge and in control of it. Many Mines students probably hold this sentiment as well: they've worked hard to get where they are now, and that is now leading them to getting a degree that will make money. We think we can control most of that.

So when we don't know what's going on, we lose control over the future of our academic careers, in a way.

But what's even worse is when that feeling spills over into real life.

Last post I talked about how I actually love turbulence, but I like order. The definiteness and clarity of processes that I desire in real life are probably reasons I went into studying something like engineering and science, fields dominated by process, order, data, analysis, results, and the flowcharts that describe the whole thing.

That's the way I am. And it's a reason I sort of dislike geology, with its subjectiveness and ambiguity and such. Interpreting blurred lines, such as seismic, is sometimes difficult because of some of the same reasons. Now you see how not knowing what's going on is so difficult for me. It's like scrolling through lines upon lines of computer code looking for the syntax error and running it not knowing why your code isn't quite what you want it to be. And you thought your code was so orderly and logical.

I walk down the hall from Dynamic Fields feeling worried, frustrated, lost, even angry, and tired. I feel like I don't belong here, like I want to give up. The area in front of the room for Advanced Engineering Math (AEM) fills up with chatter and complaints about the proceeding Dynamic Fields lecture or nightmare of an exam. I sit down in my usual chair in AEM and after being walked through a few equations on the board, understand that somehow, everything is okay or at least will be eventually. 

Math is constant. It has always been there as a subject, and it is usually a confidence booster. Usually.
But it's structured well. You know what you're supposed to be learning, or know what formulas or methods to use, and know the extent of work you'll have to put in to do well. There's usually a point in Math. And it's the basis of everything we do in engineering and science.

I feel like life sometimes feels a little like Dynamic Fields: messy, complex, incomprehensible, and I have no idea what's going on. I see God's character revealed through math: constant, purposeful, and knowing.

 Realization: life is not a script, function, or lines of code. Of course it'd be simpler if it was. Of course it'd be a great deal more boring.

Sometimes looking ahead in Math, I get a glimpse of a crazy complicated equation with symbols I don't yet understand. Yet I know we'll learn about it and get there...eventually. It's like God when I'm frustrated that I don't know what's going on is saying, "Don't worry, we'll get there....eventually."

Correlation

Some unrelated Java code...

I enter Green Center at 9am for Geophysics EPICS, our project-based data analysis class. It's a fun class, probably my favorite. We're on our second to last project. The stress of the week has weighed on me. I'm feeling the tension of stuff not getting done.

But yet, the time in the Linux Lab flies. Time flies when you're having fun. Using MATLAB, I throw some plots together. It's a soothing process, once you get past the craziness of the impending deadline of Friday.

After three more hours of class, lunch with SWE, I head back up to the lab. Finally, at 2pm, I exit the lab to go to my other classes. It's a beautiful day, dang it. I wish I could be outside chilling, or having a catch. Not spending it inside the dark abyss of Green Center.

After classes are over, I head back to the Green Center. Anxious and unfocused, I decide to buy a grape Nos energy drink. I focus and make more plots, trying to find a correlation between weather patterns and avalanche occurrences.

It's enjoyable. I can imagine working a job like this. In fact, I'm excited for the research internship at CSU I accepted: my project apparently will be "mapping the global persistence of tropospheric winds and the impact of these winds on large scale climate/circulation patterns". Kind of similar to the stuff we're doing in EPICS. It seems cool.

I like the exploration of data, trying to find patterns. At the beginning of the class, I had no idea what I was doing and made plots pretending I knew. As it goes on, I still don't know what I'm doing, but I know how to pretend better and use the tools better. It's like life. You really have no idea what you're doing, just winging it as you go along, learning more and more stuff.

Yep, it is like life. Sometimes it feels like a mess.

Sometimes things go wrong.

{badness 10000}
It's over 9000.

"MATLAB is exiting because of fatal error."
"killed" 
bahahaha

And at the end of the day, all we can do is leave a report, or lab log of what we've done.

25% Reflection

The passing of Fall Break means we're about half-wayish done with the semester.

Fall Break was great. The first part (Friday through Sunday) was my second Fall Conference. I can't really say which was better, because I just felt it was perfect for what I need right now. I need reflection, which is not hard to do when you are up in the mountains with an hour dedicated to meditating while on a snow-covered bleacher. I need direction, which is more complicated and only comes from God. Or rather, it should. And rest and friends and good times playing whiffleball were extra. 

The second part was great as well. I got like eleven hours of sleep each night in my comfy bed in my own room. I got to relax with family and do homework. It was good.

It's been a great semester, it really has. It hasn't been particularly difficult, although I know more difficult times are ahead. I just feel...content. I do homework, and I'm happy I get to do this under the big M. I'm constantly busy learning, working, making time to hang out with friends, helping out younger friends, and just taking in the awesome while not letting the difficult haunt me. Or trying not to. And yes, I do sleep.

I need to continue to work on my time-management. I need to find an internship. I need to work on being healthier. I need to figure out if I want to pick up a minor. And I'd like to make some strange but awesome random memories. And maybe meet more people. And not be satisfied, constantly pushing forward. 

Yeah, let's do that. 

They Said It Ain't Gonna Be Easy...

Hi people.

I've been really busy. I've been really tired. I've kind of been stressed. A lot of things go on and I don't get time to sit. But here we go.

(Dang I need to see when the last time I posted was and what I posted about....Oh that, haha.)

I'm already in the midst of "midterms" (which doesn't mean anything other than they are the second round of tests). Everybody's been freaking out. Especially those poor people who aren't Geophysics majors (or CompSci, or Math, or Electrical I think). I only have two tests this week plus my NHV paper (which I guess is a pretty major thing). I don't know. It's rough. I've had so much homework due so I don't study until late at night and as a result, don't sleep. I work my brain to mush for physics and then come out of the test dead. And I didn't even freak out during the test- must've been hard. Others concur. I reason that with the amount of guessing I did, I got a 55. The average turns out to be 57.

They said it wasn't going to be easy.

I knew that, but I thought it'd take a couple semesters for the average on an exam to be failing. It sucks, because I work so hard and now I'm sure of certain failure (which I now realize is repetitiously redundant). I feel like punching everyone I know that goes to non-engineering school in the face, which is extreme, I know but not as extreme as talking about assisted and attempted suicides for the kids that just took that test. Yes, it was that hard- some of you will not understand and I am glad for you. Lon-Capa takes forever to load and then finally does. I am never so happy to not fail a test.

And then I try to study two chapters of Calculus II material for the test today (this was yesterday). And then stay up 'til 4.

They said I'd have to work hard and late.

I never knew what that was. But now, I have to study everything before a test. Which reminds me, I have one in an hour and a half.

***

That test was easy. Way too easy in fact, that I know I screwed up and made a bunch of stupid mistakes and solved this one problem "The Physics Way" because that's the right way to. But it's over, and it was a big fat piece of chocolate cake compared to the physics exam.

We'll see. Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good. Like in Physics, I guessed three questions right out of six unknown with 5 different options each. Math you gotta know your stuff. So for luck you do your routine, maybe. My routine is eating dinner (I mostly have a post-test routine) and praying really really hard (it was only by the grace of God I got a decent grade on Physics). I have a CSM Department of Physics pencil I use for all things Physics. And for Math and CompSci I usually wear a baseball cap to the exam so I don't pull all my hair out- Physics assumes anyone wearing anything but clothes is a cheater and liar and out to kill people, so I don't wear a hat to that, obviously. Last Math test I wore my oldest Rockies hat, and tonight I wore my newest Mines hat. We'll see how this one performs- I gotta break it in. Anyways. I use yellow or orange colors of pencils for Math, because that's what color I think it is (Physics is blue, Chem would be red...).Water is good, but only sometimes. I like to be awake during my exams so sometimes I caffeinate up. And I don't look at the exam or try to read it turned over before we're supposed to. A lot of times, I don't even look ahead (especially for Physics) while doing it. And usually I have success with not freaking out.

It's weird having to think during an exam. There is always one (or 20) questions that will rack your brain. If you don't have a headache afterward, you're doing it wrong. And it's always funny when you score lower on the subject you work everything for than the others. But back to thinking- I don't think I ever thought or reasoned through any test in highschool (or kindergarten for that matter); they were just so easy. Formulas: memorize and bam. If I got an A-, I was doing it wrong. How things change. I guess it's good. I hope it's not too unhealthy. If it's not I have time to catch up on sleep for a couple days.

So the battle's half-way over. It was not easy.

They say the third Physics test is easy...

Time to study for an A in the class.