Thursday, December 13, 2012

Four Final Days

This couldn't end well. The first question was bizarre: "There are M amount of positive charges in the universe and N amount of negative charges, and both have a magnitude of e. If two charges of magnitude e appear, what is the total charge in the universe?" I could not give an electric flux about the charges in the universe, I just wanted to do well on the last Physics exam I'd ever take. Questions baffled me. I didn't have my minty gum, rather I freaked out in the morning when I couldn't find it, then ran to the book store and bought some fruity gum. Bad decision. The Red Bull and Honey Bunches of Oats breakfast combo was fine, my focus was alright, but they didn't help on the weird problems. I wish I had more time to study the day (and week) before.


I barely woke up Tuesday morning. It was 7 a.m., and I'd gotten 4 hours of sleep. I thought about calculating my grade if I slept in and got a 0 on the Economics final. It wasn't good, so I reluctantly rolled out of bed, chugged some yogurt, ate the rest of my Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and cracked open a Red Bull as I meandered to Brown Building to take the test. The TAs were ten minutes late. I was tired, and  not amused. So tired, I don't remember much of that test. I was pretty out of it. I went back home and took a nap.

Tuesday evening: the last night of studying for exams for me. "All I need is a 76," Shane kept saying. After about the 5th time everybody wanted him to shut up. I tried to learn optics in one night, and was pretty successful as I went over homework while I ate the pizza we ordered. Eventually Lon-Capa went down, so we had to find creative ways to study for physics. I should have looked over the past homework, for "Hairpin Curve" would be on the final. But my professor had told me that a good night's sleep and good attitude was going to help me on the final, so I opted to get 7 hours of sleep. Brandon took me home at one.

My geology professor was probably printing out our finals, as he was late. "If you take the full two hours to complete this, there's something wrong!" he had said, so it was okay I guess. I sipped my Starbucks; the weather was cold and windy outside this Monday morning. He finally showed up, and we didn't take a whole lot of time to finish. "Extra credit: draw your favorite dinosaur!" I laughed.

Panino's and more Starbucks with Rima kept me going for lunch. It was great to relax with a friend even though my worst finals hadn't taken place yet. When I got back, my family dropped my off a huge care package of food.

I tried to learn Econ as I Skyped my friend at the Starbucks in Brown later. I was a hopeless case in this subject, but it did help. Brady texted me that his Calc final grade was up, so I checked mine. It wasn't up. But Geology scores were.

I got a 75. I was in denial, but I read my prof's message. He was curving the class by 1.7 percent.

I was excited, but I couldn't dwell on that for too long. Econ was tomorrow. Physics, more importantly, was Wednesday.

But first our Bible Study was going out for Pho for dinner. It was a great time to hang out and get hot soup, for it had been a great semester. The weather was getting colder too, so that warmed us up.

Exams were looming though, so afterwards I texted Brandon. Studying for Econ was for naught, we decided. The more one studies, the less one understands. He picked me up and another late night studying at the Stoop was ahead. "I got an A in Calc!" Shane said. "I need a 76 on physics, do you think I can get that?"

We studied physics until about midnight, then switched to Econ. It was snowing. 'Bout time. Brandon drove me home, and we noticed the snowplows hadn't been out yet. "The key to driving in the snow is to not freak out," he said as he drove sideways in the CTLM parking lot. "No big deal, just driving sideways." It was fun, as it was one of the first snow falls of the year and there was no one awake at that time. There rarely is at 2 a.m. Even the study room in Maple was not lit up as it was so frequently last year.

I walked from Marquez Hall to Brown Sunday night, the place where I spent most of my time this semester. I was just coming from studying for my geology final with classmates, but needed to go over the time scale and maybe some Econ.  I needed a 76 on Geology, and was concerned about not getting it. Alone in Brown, I wrote and rewrote the time scale in hopes of finally memorizing it. I hated studying alone. Maybe it helps focus, but certainly not motivation. I missed having people to study with every night without fail in the Maple study room. Maybe I just hate being alone.

I thought about how different this semester was. With only two more credit hours than the last, I was twice as busy, yet still managed to sleep some of the time. We had split off into majors, although not as completely as we will Spring semester. I missed old friends, had made new friends. Learned more intense stuff, lived more real life. Had kids look up to me as an old, grizzled sophomore yet couldn't get by without the wisdom of those older than me. The semester flew by quite quickly. I was surprised, no, blessed that I got through without too many battle scars.

Three down, five more to go...

Monday, December 3, 2012

Don't Give Up, Don't Ever Give Up

Or, Ramblings of a Wreck

Late night. Everything due the next day, or this week. It seems like it will never end, but you can see the end. It's so close but so hard to get try to fall asleep at 3 a.m. despite the noises. But when you do fall asleep, the nightmares come. Fears of failing, forgotten assignments and exams. 

It's okay. It's weird, but here it's normal. Exam day will come, Dead Week,  finals. 
It's make or break, do or die. If you care that much about grades, that is. But it's really just another month in the life. 

In a week, you'll be in a room filled with anxious students. Their hands on their heads pulling their hair out.  Breathing heavily trying to finish up the year. 

But for now, one day at a time. Go.

You'll get through it. You always do.

Don't lose focus.

Isaiah 41:10  Fear not, for I am with you;  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Nobody said it was easy.

Some nights I wish this all would end...

"It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it." - A League of Their Own

Prov 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.

"Do or do not. There is no try." -Yoda

Isaiah 40:30,31: Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Nobody said it would be so hard.

I just want to go to bed. I'm not even that stressed, just tired as heck.

Romans 12:12: Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

"If you don't set goals high, you're not trying." -Todd Helton

Philippians 4:13: I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

Even if it doesn't work out, life goes on.

It'll all be over soon.

And don't give up. Never.