Saturday, April 7, 2012

If You Ain't Dreaming About It

The mind plays tricks on us.

Like making 190 plus days of torturous winter pass by really quickly. Dang, it's April already, and as happy as I am that it is...dang.

There was a moment during E-days (and I'm not exactly sure when) that I became done with school. It's not that hard. It's not. But I'm done with the constant deadlines and 3 a.m. nights. Annoying people are getting on my nerves more than usual. I hate being behind homework all the time, and babysitting for the one subject that I like to get ahead. I used to love it all. What's different? Maybe it's just the last couple weeks. But it's not just me. My friends are so done with school too.

After E-days, I was left with all my homework due during the week. So I did everything the night before it was due. My mind escalated everything. But I know my limits. I knew it'd be impossible to get all my math homework done in one night. So I didn't, because I couldn't, but tried my best. My body rebelled.

My mind also thought for some reason (maybe the fever had already set in) that I had to write the draft for my final NHV paper in one night. Panic set in, and the sickness already had. By the time I was set straight- that it was due in one week- autodestruct already took place. And I had made myself sick. I was so hot and so cold at the same time and I finally gave in and slept. I called in sick to everything Wednesday and Thursday.

I had some trippy dreams while feverish, but I can't remember all of them. I remember one of them had to do with Dubstep, which is trippy itself. Our window was open, and I think I could hear my friends outside my window talking, but I don't think they were really there. I also thought someone was calling for their dog: "Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan!". How cool, they named their dog Obi-Wan, I thought. Not totally unlikely at this school, but...yeah. Pretty sure I was hallucinating.

My cough wasn't like a normal cough- it felt like there was something in my chest. Like my cold heart had frozen over, so cold that only baseball could save it. Friday, baseball came. Opening Day was different than the others. It felt different. Of course it was good, but for some reason I was tired Thursday night and went to sleep- like I wasn't excited or something. I made up for it by getting up at 8 a.m. for my 11 a.m. class. And then it was a normal day, except at 5 p.m. I went up to 2nd floor and locked myself in and watched the game. Baseball season started. And I was still sick.

Don't get me wrong again: I'm glad it's Day Two of baseball season. I'm glad for the time I've had at school this semester and last. And I do think I'll manage to concentrate on both. But I guess I'm taking it one day at a time, and that's not working anymore. I need to look forward to the great stuff that'll happen. And dream about that stuff, because if I ain't dreaming about it, I ain't ready.

But then again, it's gonna go by so quick. I don't know what to think anymore.