Sunday, July 22, 2012

Not-So-Love Letter

Dear Mines,

I don't know how I feel about you. I mean, I think I really like you, but I've only known you for a year. I've missed you so much over the summer. It's weird...but yet it's how I feel.

Gosh, I miss you so much. But sometimes you're a jerk. You introduced me to them, but it seems you don't give me enough time to hang out with my friends like I want to. You constantly try to take me away from the things I love. You're so distracting. Demanding my full attention. It's not convenient. You make me emotional when I don't want to be emotional. Make me feel stupid at school. Nerdy. Socially awkward and dorky away from school. Insecure and alone when I shouldn't feel that way. You take away the feeling that I have it all figured out and make me come up with this thing called living life, crammed in and intense as an exam.

Now that I think about it, maybe this time away from you has been good. Of course it has been. But gosh, I miss seeing you every day, thinking about everything you bring. I feel this longing for me to go back, no, for you to come back to me. I'm here in Golden right now, waiting during the few weeks until you come back. Everything reminds me of you. Some place will bring up some memory. A picture will bring back a day. Some nights...I even dream about you. 

I'm scared a little bit, of course. The next two years are gonna test our relationship. But I'm really excited where the next year might take us. Maybe that's why I miss you so much: I need the constant pressure back in my life. The excitement and uncertainty of what I want and what's going to happen. I'm ready. Because, again, I think I really like you. I just wish you'd show me that you might feel that way too. Please? Can we just have the time of our lives this year and the next? And the next? (Until the sad day when I'll leave you?)